What it feels like being back in England

We've been back for a week and a half now and have been rushing around madly. For those of you who were concerned about me looking skinny, fear no longer, I have probably put on 5kg's since my return.

After a medley of London braai's, Jackie, Rob and myself set off in a hired car to visit friends in Shropshire where I rapidly renewed my affections for Welsh lamb and warm beers. Bristol and Bath came next and from there we joined friends made in South America and shared a trio of spicy Indian dishes at a Hertford curry house. Saving the best for last we pulled into the Cotswolds and enjoyed 2 peaceful days in a part of England we absolutely adore. So far, so good, but I'll have to admit that I've had 'always look on the bright side of life' playing on repeat on my built-in Ipod.

O' Braai, how do I love thee. Let me count the ways

........47

On returning to London Jackie and I were well aware that a braai at Shaun and Robyn's was inevitable and even though we'd been out of action for a while we certainly never expected such quality. The garden was manicured, the ambiance set and the meat caressed and as usual I had to work really hard not to nibble on the grid.

'The Beginning'

A few people have suggested that I should wrap up the tale of the 'little' adventure that has consumed us for over a year but even for somebody who likes the sounds of his thoughts as much as I do, the idea of a conclusion just doesn't seem to fit. So, ladies and gentlemen, there won't be one. Walking through Heathrow's Halls has reminded me of the fantastic subject matter on offer in her Majesty's Country and for now that will be good enough.

Scene 1: Heathrow Terminal 4, Immigration Desk, 17 May 2008, just after 4pm

Character 1 : Stupid looking immigration official

Character 2: Tired looking Jackie

Character 3: Smelly smelling Bradley

Take 1:

Characters 2 and 3 walk up to the desk casually and present passports with fatigued smiles.

Character 1 tries to look intelligently at passports and manages to mumble 'do you 2 know each other'?

Character 3 struggles somewhat but replies with 'yes, a little'.

Bye-bye China

Time to say goodbye

Stephane and Faustine, friends we'd made in Laos, met us in Beijing and helped to celebrate the end of our trip. We spent some time catching up but the highlight was a visit to what I think is the best Duck restaurant in Beijing. We were joined by a great couple from Derby, Dan and Jenny, and the 6 of us had a great meal. We ate 2 ducks and some other Chinese stuff but the evening winner was the duck tongues that myself and Steph shared. A fantastic way to end off what has been an amazing year.

Tibet Exhibition in Beijing

There is a new Tibet Exhibition in Beijing at the Cultural Palace of Nationalities. About 20,000 people are visiting every day (apparently) and we decided to be part of it. After telling security that we weren't American we were allowed to enter the exhibition. One hall shows the old suppressed Tibet under the Dalai Lama, the other the happy and 'free' Tibetans living under the guidance of the Motherland. It's propaganda at it's best!

Datong

Another overnight train journey took us to the absolutely unremarkable city of Datong. We joined a 1 day tour and travelled off to explore 2 of the region's most famous sights.

The Hanging Monastery is a collection of pretty old wooden buildings clinging to the edge of a cliff. It is not only good for a photo but also worth exploring because 3 religions share the location (Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism).

After stopping for lunch we set off for the Yungang Caves and spent about 2 hours visiting it's 50 caves. The caves carved interiors are ornately decorated and we were amazed at not only the sheer size of the carvings but also their detail.

Pingyao

The old city of Pingyao is a well preserved walled city that is between Xian and Beijing and therefore gets a lot of Chinese visitors. We caught an overnight train to get there and spent 1 night in town, giving us 2 days in the area.

About an hour away is the famous 'Wang' residence that has been the set of many Chinese films. We shared a car with 4 others and made our way out there, only to find that they were in the process of filming some soap opera. Exploring the both residences (1 a father and 1 his son's), that are more like little villages, was good fun and we were amazed that we spent about 3 hours at the place. Just before leaving I was buying a drink at 1 of the food stalls outside when all of a sudden I felt a bit dizzy. I was rocking back and forward and quickly looked for somewhere to sit but realised that everyone else was also rocking. It lasted about 30 seconds and we later found out that there had been a massive earthquake miles away in the Sichuan Province. The epicentre was a town called Wenchuan, a place that we had driven through twice about 2 weeks before.

Terracotta Warriors

One of the sights that you can't really skip while travelling through China, the Terracotta Warriors are a collection of life-size clay soldiers that were stumbled upon in 1974. Their reason for being is that around 2000 thousand years ago Emperor Qin Shi Huang felt he needed a bit of extra protection in the afterlife. He must have been a very bad boy because there are thousands of soldiers on foot, on horses and with chariots. The best thing about them is that they're all unique with expressions of excitement, fear, boredom and even constipation.

The Smellies

Known as 'the Smellies', these babies have officially expired. I have realised that the Chinese aren't just staring at me because I am very tall but also because they are quite close to my feet. Problem = smelly shoes, Solution = buy some new ones. Not so easy in China. I walk into any shoe shop and the attendants just look at my feet and laugh. I am about 4 sizes bigger than their biggest size. After some thorough undercover shopping, we managed to find me a pair of Diesel rip-offs that are surprisingly comfortable.

Xian City Walls

The relatively old part of Xian has complete and recently polished city walls. A great way to experience the rush of the city without endangering life and limb is to cycle around the top of the 14km perimeter of these walls. It took us around an hour and a half, beginning as a leisurely peddle but ending in a race to the finish.

Free Bag Parking at the Big Wild Goose Pagoda in Xian?

I mentioned earlier that we came across some very funny signs while visiting Hong Kong. They were worth a chuckle but absolutely nothing when compared to the ones we've seen in China. Here are a few choice examples, in no particular order.

On a public bus in Chengdu there is a sign that states : ......have consideration for those who are incomplete.


On our flight to Urumqi from Chengdu the chief steward announced that the plane was in trouble and that we shouldn't use the toilet.


At Chengdu airport as you get to the security check there is a sign that tells you what you are banned from carrying onto the plane with you. One such thing is a 'controlled dirk'. We were lucky, we only had a couple of uncontrolled ones with us.


Our hotel in Urumqi had 3 types of rooms, Magnificent, OK and normal.

Chinese Taxi Drivers - I might have to klap 1

Taxi drivers come in all shapes and sizes, they're usually fairly rough characters, often entertaining, sometimes smelly but mostly good at heart. In China they are the scum of the earth.


One chap in Chengdu decided that we looked stupid and took us on an expensive joyride, trying to boost his income in a somewhat unsavoury manner. What he didn't realise was that we had already spent some time in the city and knew it quite well. Jackie got so ' the moerin' (angry) with him that she called him a very naughty name that even made me blush. I lost my patience too and I think he thought he had 2 nuts in the car with him. He dialled an English language taxi helpline (or that's what I think it was) and started rattling away. He then gave me the phone and I explained, to a very friendly lady, that our driver was trying to rip us off by taking us on the very long way round. She told us only to pay him 20RMB (cheaper than it should of cost) and then explained the situation to him. He looked like a bulldog that had just lost his bone. Hilarious.


Urumqi is a bit of a nothing place but we had to travel through it to get to Kashgar. I was already irritated by the fact that it's the furthest city in the world from the ocean but our taxi driver took me over the edge. A taxi from the airport to the city centre costs 40RMB. The price is set. Our chap decided to try his luck and told us that it was 50. I laughed and explained that it was not but he argued with me for the whole trip and we got incredibly close to actually having a physical fight.


On both occasions we were very hungry at the time but that doesn't change the fact that the taxi drivers were complete idiots.

Alton Orda

If you're interested, it's the best restaurant in Kahsgar. One that you'd expect to pay a fortune for but would be very wrong. The lamb kebabs are very, very special and there was enough for Jacks as well. Her favourite, written in Uigher, was the Veggesh Spagesh Gush Siz. Vegetable Noodles without meat.

Shipton's Arch

Never heard of it? Neither had we, but we decided to check it out anyway. The fact that you have to drive towards Kazakhstan and that you can only get there in a 4X4 was the main attraction but it's apparently the tallest arch in the world as well.

About 5km from our destination we stopped to pick up a local chap (who lives in the middle of nowhere, looking after goats). He walked us through a narrow gorge, showing us the way and helping with ladders. The arch is not the easiest thing to get to and when we arrived we weren't that impressed. Our 'guide' turned back and with various interesting hand signals let us know that there was a very steep edge near the arch. We walked another 20 minutes and arrived at a viewpoint that gave us a better idea of just how tall the arch really is (unfortunately no picture could ever). I reckon you could easily fit the Eiffel Tower under it and not even Sylvester Stallone would attempt climbing it. I have no idea just how high it is. I'd have to guess that it's VERY high.

The Taklamakan Desert

As a day trip from Kashgar we travelled 2 and a half hours east to a section of the Taklamakan Desert. It wasn't part of a tour or anything as we weren't interested in camel riding and when we got close to the desert we were pointed in the right direction and left to our own devices. It was what you'd expect from a desert I suppose, sand and dunes and not much life. We walked and ran around for a while and I tried a big jump down a dune that didn't go according to plan.

The Kashgar Livestock Market

The livestock market takes place every sunday a short distance from the centre of Kashgar. People from all corners of the province arrive in cars, trucks, donkey carts, bikes and on foot and with them they bring the entire range of livestock known to man.

A while ago we visited the Moreton Show held in the Cotswalds in England every year. It's a gathering of farmers where cows, pigs, sheep, chickens, goats and even lamas are paraded elegantly around various arenas and tents. Kashgar was the raw and uncensored version of the English affair, with unbelievable sights and smells everywhere we pointed our faces.

The sheep are trimmed to show off their fatty rumps and at the back of the market is an area where you take your donkey, horse or camel for a test drive. Even though we were tempted to ride back to Beijing on a camel we were a bit pushed for time and realised it may not be the best idea. We had a good look around but made no purchases.

New Norris Contender

It may be quite late in our trip but I think you'll agree that this is a serious contender for Norris of the year.

The Karakorum Highway - Kashgar to Tashkurgan

The Karakorum Highway links Kashgar with the capital of Pakistan, negotiating some serious mountains and reaching an altitude of 4600m along the way. Our plan was to travel as far as Karakul Lake and we paid for a 4 day trek around the 7500m high Muztagh Alta.

Karakul Lake is pretty close to Afghanistan and for that reason and because of the upcoming Olympics and the situation in Tibet, China has clamped down on tourism in the area. The first thing we had to do after arriving at the lake was visit the military base. Here we were studied by 10 soldiers who had nothing better to do but were still irritated that we'd interrupted their tea. We found out that the trek that we had signed up for was no longer permitted but that we could go were they allowed us to, for an extra fee of $40 each. There was no way we were even paying a cent to these palookers, so it became a fairly easy decision.

We changed plans and decided to carry on along the highway, as far as we could go without having visas for Pakistan. This took us as far as the city of Tashkurgan which is famous for its Stone Fortress and set in the beautiful grasslands between the Pamir Mountains. The culture is very interesting with a mix of Tajik, Krygish and Uigher people and with the abundance of roast lamb I wasn't complaining.

On the way back to Kashgar we spent a night in a yurt at Lake Karakul. After stretching our legs with a walk around the lake and eating a basic meal with 1 of the local families, we snuck into our yurt and climbed under the covers.

The trip turned out to be worth our time, with amazing scenery along the way, but I can't emphasize enough how irritating the military check points are. The power hungry young soldiers look you up and down as if you're naked with a line of snot dangling from your nose and study your passport as if you've somehow managed to pole vault into the country. Lucky I'm so patient!

Kashgar

To experience something completely different we hopped on 2 planes to China's wild west and the city of Kashgar. With around 75% of the people being Uighur and the majority being strict Muslims, it honestly felt as if we'd landed in another country. Our taxi driver, who spoke Chinese and Uighur, was amazed that we were from South Africa and entertained us with smiles and face pulling on the way from the airport to the hotel. I told him my name was Brad and after struggling with the pronunciation for a while he decided that 'Borat' suited me much better.

The Uighur people really have a tough time holding onto their ideals and way of life. The Chinese, who are the biggest control freaks I've ever come across, rule over the population as if they were all naughty primary school children. Those working for the government are refused half an hour off every Friday to attend the mosque and there are no Muslim schools. Even though the Idkah mosque is the biggest in China, a lot of men have to line up outside because there are just so many of them. The culture is strong but I just wonder how long it will last.

The funniest thing about Kashgar is that it has 2 times, local and Beijing (or rest of China). All of China officially has 1 time zone, which besides being ridiculous sums up the country pretty well. In Kashgar, everything related business, travel and the government runs according to Beijing time, everything else is 2 hours behind.

Even though we were caught somewhere in between the 2 times we found the place intoxicating. It's really unlike anything we've ever seen or heard of and it's so different to the rest of the country. The women walk around and work in clothes that you'd normally see at a fancy dress party and the men are quite happy eating lamb for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The traditional sand and mud homes are slowly being replaced by modern 'Chinese' buildings but as soon as a sandstorm passes through they all turn the same colour. We just hope we can get away because when a serious sandstorm arrives all flights are cancelled for at least a few days and sometimes more than a week.